Friday, November 11, 2016

Holiday Thrills: Navy Seals vs Zombies

When in doubt, go with the silliest one you can think of.  After considering a number of Films that vaguely fit the criteria, I settled on this one.  This is Navy Seals vs Zombies aka Navy Seals: Battle for New Orleans, a 2015 Action-Horror Film.  Let me clear this up first- the latter Title is what it goes by NOW on Streaming (Netflix for me).  I'm sticking with the original Title because...well, a number of reasons.  For starters, they are in Baton Rouge the whole time.  Second- I like the cheesy Title better.  The Plot involves, well, Navy Seals having to battle Zombies about 81 miles from New Orleans (thanks, Google!).  Notable Cast includes former Basketball Player Rick Fox, former TNA Wrestler Gunner (i'll give you a minute to Google him) and, well, I won't SPOIL the last one yet.  This is all about the Military kicking undead ass, so this seems right.  Can Seal Team Seven save the day?  To find out, read on...
In a Cold Open, this Cop gets killed by Zombies.  Why is it Zombies in a Car, shambling Zombies in the Street and one running Zombie?

More importantly, why is it going to happen in 5 days?!?
This is about Navy Seals, so we see them training in a totally-tricked-me-not-really Intro and we see how they get along.  They also have Relatable Newbie in the Group aka Final Guy.

Hey look Bob- someone from Eureka!
 More important than any of that, we get the return of Michael Dudikoff.  You're both alive and Acting!

They also gave you the Impossible Eye Scar (TM), so one point off.
The Mission: save Vice President Rick Fox from a bunch of Zombies created by....well, we have no clear Villain here.  Hurray?
They end up on the Streets of Baton Rouge as they fight Zombies and try not to get normal Traffic in the shots.  They are better at one than the other.
Can they also babysit this Reporter and her non-American (read: dead meat) Cameraman?
Will they both get help from and make fun of this fat guy?  At least he's not Chris Coppola.
Will this CIA Lady be the only person to deliver all of the Film's exposition (especially at the end)?
Will they find a way to make low-budget Green Screen look convincing in 2015/2016?  To find out, watch the Film (although you know how this ends).
Cliche, but watchable.  Navy Seals vs. Zombies gives you what you'd expect.  It has Navy Seals fighting Zombies.  It has Zombies eating people.  It has Navy Seals shooting people.  What more could you ask for?  A good Plot, you say?  Well, you...don't get too much of that here.  They get a basic reason to go into the City and then a second reason to hang around longer.  The Action is generally good, but there are some cheats and shortcuts.  In the first big Scene, the only lady shown in the Capitol Garden is killed- fine.  Next, a bunch of other people are suddenly in the same Garden and killed by even more previously-unseen Zombies- less fine.  They also teased me by setting up some Poor Bastards of Cinema, but also had the Characters address the deaths.  Does it still count?  There are some cool (if silly moments) throughout though.  The Film is mostly full of cliches and continuity issues.  For example, the Seals are told to bring only small arms and no explosives.  Naturally, they end up throwing grenades not 40 minutes later!  Other than Relatable Seal, we just get some bland Seals to fill out the Cast.  I also have to question how the one Seal who looked way too heavy to be there (and dies first) even made the cut.  Putting all that aside, Navy Seals vs Zombies is a dry, cut-and-paste Action Film that neither truly impresses or truly disappoints.  Well, except for when they failed to cut out a Crew Member in a shot!
Damn silly stuff played 100% straight.  Kudos for not making it a joke...but you could have also made it less cliche-ridden too.

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