Saturday, September 17, 2016

5 Questions Raised by 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows'

After seeing this on Video (as I haven't seen a Turtles Film in Theaters since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3), I have questions...
1. Why would anyone believe this?: No, not the giant, anthropomorphic Turtles thing- that just makes sense!

No, I mean the idea that people just accepted that Vern, some unknown Reporter, took down the Shredder...a Villain that they didn't know existed until that day.  Yes, it makes for 'Comedy' that he's so full of himself as a 'Hero,' but it just makes no damn sense.

2. Where did this Krang stuff come from?: This is probably a more minor thing, but hear me out.

So nothing in the previous Film hinted at Aliens or anything more Sci-Fi than the Shredder suit and some vague toxin.  Now, all of a sudden, Aliens invade and all sorts of crazy stuff is on the table.

Take a cue from Marvel.  The Tesseract is introduced in Captain America: The First Avenger and then explained with the Aliens in The Avengers.  They didn't, for example, just suddenly have Aliens invade in Iron Man 2!

3. How much do these Turtles actually weigh?: This is probably only me, but fine.

Bay's Turtles are like 7 feet tall piles of muscle.  They must way like four-hundred pounds, right?

In this Film, they flip like it's nothing, sit on structures like they are nothing and, my favorite, crawl through Vents in a Police Station.  How big are those damn vents?!?  How sturdy must they be?

4. The Mutagen works how exactly?!?: In Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, a Scientist (David Warner!) makes new Mutants by exposing Animals to the same mutagen as our Heroes.

In this Film, they get some purple stuff from Krang and expose two guys to it.  This makes them a giant Rhino-man and a Warthog-man.  How, you ask?  Well...

According to Baxter Stockman, we Humans all have a dormant Animal Gene inside of us that the stuff unlocks.

I'll give you a moment to face palm.

5. Are these the dumbest aliens ever?: The Kraang show up after eons and their plan is to bring their ship into our dimension.  The only catch- they need this one object to complete the job.  Sure hope nobody steals it.

So yes, the villain is defeated by one object being taken just away from it.  No failsafes?  No backup?

For a giant brain, you are made of stupid.

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