Thursday, July 30, 2015

DTV Trash: The Cuckoo Clocks of Hell

I don't really know what the hell this is!  Today's Film is The Cuckoo Clocks of Hell, another Film from the bunch of random Films I got for my Birthday.  Part of me can see why I got this, but the rest of me legitimately asks 'What the hell did I do to deserve this?!?'  This is...I don't know what this is.  I actually watched this more than a week ago, but couldn't decide what to do with it.  In a nutshell, the Film is a collection of random bits that are designed solely to be offensive.  The Film has no Wikipedia page and an IMDB Page so sparse that it doesn't have a Plot Synopsis- not even by the Makers of the Film (as is common).  To be fair, it barely has a Plot.  So here was my issue: this thing is awful, stupid and pointless.  Do I give it more attention than it probably has ever gotten by Reviewing it?  Do I want to?  Well, I'll try to balance this out.  The Film is about, well, it is about two loud people saying offensive things and doing offensive things.  There is *slightly* more than that going on, but not much.  This is just too bizarre and terrible to give a pass and you'll see why...
In the opening Scene, our Lead wanders around, yells at the camera and stalks a Nun.  He knocks her out, kidnaps her and rapes her.

I don't even know your name!
He later runs across the spirit of a Clown that molested him (Credited as John Wayne Gacy) and yells some more.  O-kay.
Later, the Film's other Lead is taking in a crappy Hotel when he's visited by...The Wicked Witch of the West.

They proceed to repeat the same ethnic slur into the camera over-and-over again in close-up to a fish eye lens.  Naturally.
Don't worry- they say terrible things about every conceivable Race.  Wait- that's not good...
The little bit of Plot involves the two assholes (who constantly talk to the camera like Woody Allen) meet up, beat up people in monkey masks (figure out the ethnic slur there, folks!) and rape a lady in a Video Store.
Later on, this happens.  I don't even think that I should dignify this with an explanation.  The End.
No.  This is shit.  This is pure shit.  They don't say terrible things, but make it funny.  They don't say terrible things as part of a joke.  To note, I love me some dark Humor.  Maynard and I's favorite Show Drawn Together features jokes about Necrophilia, Murder, Incest and the like.  That's the key: it makes jokes.  It is funny.  It is dark and twisted at times, but it is funny.  This is just terrible-sounding people saying terrible things- usually while yelling at the Camera.  No offense, but I don't want to talk to you!  Other than an excuse to try and shock, what is the point of this?  Nothing- that's what.  No Story.  No jokes.  No redeeming factor.  Just shit.  Avoid at all costs...unless you're Maynard (who is going to have to see this shit some day if I can help it).  Enjoy this quote from an actual Comic...
Next up, dare I approach another one of these Films so soon?  This one has a very innocuous name, so I'm even more worried!  Stay tuned...

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